Love N heartbreak chronology

When I grew older and began to adapt my new lifestyle, being a career lady; I realize that life isn’t as easy as I usually think. There are many things to consider and for the first time in my life, I face the biggest (to me it is, seriously!) problem of all; love life. Having a career isn’t as fun as I usually imagine, but I think it’s not at all bad. I meet many people with various characteristic (which is quite interesting), learn a lot of things and being crazy in other way that I haven’t done before. My life starting to be unpredictable especially I began to lose control of my life (not as before) as I began to like someone. This is the first time I feel like unbearable if I don’t meet someone. The first time I care someone so much other than my family. The first time
I worried about someone just because a cough. How much I missed someone and his perfume will still lingers although he’s not there. The first time I really drew into a person’s eyes. Yes, I think I have fall in love. But reality always hurts. I think I fall in love to someone that might not like me. I always think that if we truly love someone, that person will always love us back. But now, I start to wonder whether that statement is even true. Being honest is always been my principle, but now I think I’m not being honest with my feelings. I think so many things and consequences that will occur if I confess to him that I like him. The one thing that drew me back is, I’m afraid that I will lose him if I tell him my true feeling. Yet day by day, I feel my heart going to blow because I can’t be honest and always pretending he’s only a friend. As all these happen to me, now I know the feeling of few famous drama / novel characters.

I hate myself because I didn’t being honest and being a coward (because of these I’m always in dilemma). I feel stupid because caring and worried someone so much, but he only treats you as one of his friend. I am angry of myself because I can’t control myself and let him be just a friend. Sometimes I just hate him because I love him so much. Woman is weird, but I think I’m weirder…haha..

I thank God for giving me friends around me to accompany me for this moment. Always patience hearing my bubbling about him so much. I can’t thank you girls enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.