It feels just like yesterday I wrote my blog regarding my first love. But it seems like my first love only bring heartbreaks to me. Nothing more to that. I wish I didn’t have these feelings in the first place. Heartbreak is painful. My heart keeps on crying out loud without a sound which is unbearable. Thus makes me hard to talk, not in the mood of anything extra. I know that I have to keep on going. Be strong because it will over soon (hopefully, as my friend said). I want to be strong. I want to be I control and think positive. But I can’t right now. It’s pouring rain inside and it seems like it will go on and on. Sometimes the rain wants to go out, but there are always heavy clouds shield those before the rain gets worse. So friends, I am so sorry if I’m not as talkative as before. It’s because I don’t want the rain to gets worse and went out.
I wonder how I can face him every day. Can I be as before? How can I answer him if he asks my opinion regarding his love life? Honestly, I can’t stand it. It’s so much pain inside. Unbearable pain, but I really amazed of myself because I can control myself in front of him; giving my honest opinion about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m so stupid like hell. Why I’m so miss nice girl? Why can’t I be mean sometimes? (Nashrah…you’re so damn STUPID!)
One night can change everything…no to be precise, one moment can destroy everything. Yesterday we chat until he told me that he likes someone that is so much younger than him, surprisingly still in school. He just met her for 2 months now. He asked my opinion whether he should keep the relationship or not because he can’t wait longer for her to matured or ready. He seems like want to marry her and I feel that it’s rushing. The moment I heard that I don’t know what to say. My mind tries to find suitable words, my heart starts to feel pain by every word he said about his love life and the most difficult things is to make a fake face that I’m ok with everything he said; looking in his eyes saying that everything will be going to be fine. See…? I’m really a great actress am I? I should win an Oscar or something. Only God knows.
Right now, I think I can’t say much. The pain is still unbearable. Due to that I wrote this blog. Thank you to the people who invent this…hahaha…
I wonder what type of fake face should I do when I meet him today? I wonder what character should I be if I meet him today? I wonder when this pain will be over? Right now, how much really wish I don’t fall in love with him. I really do hope that. But it seems that, it’s already too late because I’m already lost in this deep cold sea.
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