Please..i really need help...i feel sooo alone...why? coz i really want to watch movie..but no, none of my friends has the time..well, can't blame them either..they have their rights. And my groupwise server hairwired with the presentation time is just next week...why i feel my life getting out of control..one by one...slip through..from my hand...i don't want this..being rejected...painfully...then firmly raise up...then..turbulence again...wooohooo...what a life right now..
right now i have been thinking..reflecting myself...why am i not satisfied with all this? perhaps i haven't find my passion and i'm straying away from my dreams.whatever it is..i will never give up getting through this..i will find my own strength although it's just the smallest strength left in me. i will find any reason for not give up...yosh..akiramiru janaiii ooh..
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
3rd ep of love N heartbreak chronology
Yesterday I’m not in the mood. My face all cloudy even in the morning; which is not good. Well, what can I do? My heart is pouring rain inside. I’m in the middle of heartbroken day…hahaha…never thought that I can be in this situation. Seriously, I never imagine it. But it does happen. Well, who say life is easy. However I didn’t blame him. He’s not at fault here. He doesn’t know the truth. How can I expect he read my mind? People can’t read minds. People can only assume. That’s all.
My day today is as usual, better than yesterday. Although I still sad, but I have to accept the fact. I even miss him today although I busy with work. I think I still can’t forget him. He will always special in my heart; always and forever. A friend said I better confess to him before it’s too late. I think she is right, but I don’t want him to be in dilemma between me and his dream girl. I will make sure myself can accept him as a friend. Yes, people can say I’m stupid. I know I am. But I can’t help it. I just can’t stop care about him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop miss him…hehehe…he is special. I will always love him. I decided I want to be his shoulder to cry on. Lend my ears listening to his tension cracks and say ‘everything will be fine’. Laugh at his jokes although the jokes not humorous enough for me or I don’t get the point of it. Why? Because I want him to be happy. At least, I’m happy when he’s happy. That’s it. Nothing more to that.
I didn’t see him today and I might not see him next week because I have training. I will miss him. I hope my symptom (angau disease) is quite cured (coz I will be clumsy like hell if I don’t see him more than 5 days), or else I will be in trouble…hahaha…silly me.
that’s it for today. What happen next, only God knows. But I always hope for positive things happens to me. Hopefully.
My day today is as usual, better than yesterday. Although I still sad, but I have to accept the fact. I even miss him today although I busy with work. I think I still can’t forget him. He will always special in my heart; always and forever. A friend said I better confess to him before it’s too late. I think she is right, but I don’t want him to be in dilemma between me and his dream girl. I will make sure myself can accept him as a friend. Yes, people can say I’m stupid. I know I am. But I can’t help it. I just can’t stop care about him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop miss him…hehehe…he is special. I will always love him. I decided I want to be his shoulder to cry on. Lend my ears listening to his tension cracks and say ‘everything will be fine’. Laugh at his jokes although the jokes not humorous enough for me or I don’t get the point of it. Why? Because I want him to be happy. At least, I’m happy when he’s happy. That’s it. Nothing more to that.
I didn’t see him today and I might not see him next week because I have training. I will miss him. I hope my symptom (angau disease) is quite cured (coz I will be clumsy like hell if I don’t see him more than 5 days), or else I will be in trouble…hahaha…silly me.
that’s it for today. What happen next, only God knows. But I always hope for positive things happens to me. Hopefully.
2nd ep of love N heartbreak
It feels just like yesterday I wrote my blog regarding my first love. But it seems like my first love only bring heartbreaks to me. Nothing more to that. I wish I didn’t have these feelings in the first place. Heartbreak is painful. My heart keeps on crying out loud without a sound which is unbearable. Thus makes me hard to talk, not in the mood of anything extra. I know that I have to keep on going. Be strong because it will over soon (hopefully, as my friend said). I want to be strong. I want to be I control and think positive. But I can’t right now. It’s pouring rain inside and it seems like it will go on and on. Sometimes the rain wants to go out, but there are always heavy clouds shield those before the rain gets worse. So friends, I am so sorry if I’m not as talkative as before. It’s because I don’t want the rain to gets worse and went out.
I wonder how I can face him every day. Can I be as before? How can I answer him if he asks my opinion regarding his love life? Honestly, I can’t stand it. It’s so much pain inside. Unbearable pain, but I really amazed of myself because I can control myself in front of him; giving my honest opinion about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m so stupid like hell. Why I’m so miss nice girl? Why can’t I be mean sometimes? (Nashrah…you’re so damn STUPID!)
One night can change everything…no to be precise, one moment can destroy everything. Yesterday we chat until he told me that he likes someone that is so much younger than him, surprisingly still in school. He just met her for 2 months now. He asked my opinion whether he should keep the relationship or not because he can’t wait longer for her to matured or ready. He seems like want to marry her and I feel that it’s rushing. The moment I heard that I don’t know what to say. My mind tries to find suitable words, my heart starts to feel pain by every word he said about his love life and the most difficult things is to make a fake face that I’m ok with everything he said; looking in his eyes saying that everything will be going to be fine. See…? I’m really a great actress am I? I should win an Oscar or something. Only God knows.
Right now, I think I can’t say much. The pain is still unbearable. Due to that I wrote this blog. Thank you to the people who invent this…hahaha…
I wonder what type of fake face should I do when I meet him today? I wonder what character should I be if I meet him today? I wonder when this pain will be over? Right now, how much really wish I don’t fall in love with him. I really do hope that. But it seems that, it’s already too late because I’m already lost in this deep cold sea.
I wonder how I can face him every day. Can I be as before? How can I answer him if he asks my opinion regarding his love life? Honestly, I can’t stand it. It’s so much pain inside. Unbearable pain, but I really amazed of myself because I can control myself in front of him; giving my honest opinion about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m so stupid like hell. Why I’m so miss nice girl? Why can’t I be mean sometimes? (Nashrah…you’re so damn STUPID!)
One night can change everything…no to be precise, one moment can destroy everything. Yesterday we chat until he told me that he likes someone that is so much younger than him, surprisingly still in school. He just met her for 2 months now. He asked my opinion whether he should keep the relationship or not because he can’t wait longer for her to matured or ready. He seems like want to marry her and I feel that it’s rushing. The moment I heard that I don’t know what to say. My mind tries to find suitable words, my heart starts to feel pain by every word he said about his love life and the most difficult things is to make a fake face that I’m ok with everything he said; looking in his eyes saying that everything will be going to be fine. See…? I’m really a great actress am I? I should win an Oscar or something. Only God knows.
Right now, I think I can’t say much. The pain is still unbearable. Due to that I wrote this blog. Thank you to the people who invent this…hahaha…
I wonder what type of fake face should I do when I meet him today? I wonder what character should I be if I meet him today? I wonder when this pain will be over? Right now, how much really wish I don’t fall in love with him. I really do hope that. But it seems that, it’s already too late because I’m already lost in this deep cold sea.
Love N heartbreak chronology
When I grew older and began to adapt my new lifestyle, being a career lady; I realize that life isn’t as easy as I usually think. There are many things to consider and for the first time in my life, I face the biggest (to me it is, seriously!) problem of all; love life. Having a career isn’t as fun as I usually imagine, but I think it’s not at all bad. I meet many people with various characteristic (which is quite interesting), learn a lot of things and being crazy in other way that I haven’t done before. My life starting to be unpredictable especially I began to lose control of my life (not as before) as I began to like someone. This is the first time I feel like unbearable if I don’t meet someone. The first time I care someone so much other than my family. The first time
I worried about someone just because a cough. How much I missed someone and his perfume will still lingers although he’s not there. The first time I really drew into a person’s eyes. Yes, I think I have fall in love. But reality always hurts. I think I fall in love to someone that might not like me. I always think that if we truly love someone, that person will always love us back. But now, I start to wonder whether that statement is even true. Being honest is always been my principle, but now I think I’m not being honest with my feelings. I think so many things and consequences that will occur if I confess to him that I like him. The one thing that drew me back is, I’m afraid that I will lose him if I tell him my true feeling. Yet day by day, I feel my heart going to blow because I can’t be honest and always pretending he’s only a friend. As all these happen to me, now I know the feeling of few famous drama / novel characters.
I hate myself because I didn’t being honest and being a coward (because of these I’m always in dilemma). I feel stupid because caring and worried someone so much, but he only treats you as one of his friend. I am angry of myself because I can’t control myself and let him be just a friend. Sometimes I just hate him because I love him so much. Woman is weird, but I think I’m weirder…haha..
I thank God for giving me friends around me to accompany me for this moment. Always patience hearing my bubbling about him so much. I can’t thank you girls enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I worried about someone just because a cough. How much I missed someone and his perfume will still lingers although he’s not there. The first time I really drew into a person’s eyes. Yes, I think I have fall in love. But reality always hurts. I think I fall in love to someone that might not like me. I always think that if we truly love someone, that person will always love us back. But now, I start to wonder whether that statement is even true. Being honest is always been my principle, but now I think I’m not being honest with my feelings. I think so many things and consequences that will occur if I confess to him that I like him. The one thing that drew me back is, I’m afraid that I will lose him if I tell him my true feeling. Yet day by day, I feel my heart going to blow because I can’t be honest and always pretending he’s only a friend. As all these happen to me, now I know the feeling of few famous drama / novel characters.
I hate myself because I didn’t being honest and being a coward (because of these I’m always in dilemma). I feel stupid because caring and worried someone so much, but he only treats you as one of his friend. I am angry of myself because I can’t control myself and let him be just a friend. Sometimes I just hate him because I love him so much. Woman is weird, but I think I’m weirder…haha..
I thank God for giving me friends around me to accompany me for this moment. Always patience hearing my bubbling about him so much. I can’t thank you girls enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
