a decision to make

I see the blank page before me and my heart filled with everything..mixed feeling that I can’t translate it with words. Is this the right decision? Or am I running away from my problem? I’m not sure about anything right now. But one thing for sure, I need to do something. I need to move on..means I need to forget him. It’s hard for me to make this decision since I do love him so much. I really do care him. I would do anything for him to be happy. And now, it’s clear that he’s happy. He already moved on with his new gf. She can give him what I can’t give him. He needs her and she makes her happy. Seeing him in good hands, so it’s time for me to go. I need to move on. It’s already been almost 2 years.
I think I can face him almost every day and acting nothing happen; face the problem, not running away from it. As I always did. Yet, I’m not strong enough. I still can’t. I still remember him each morning, before I sleep, every minute..wondering what he’s doing and whether he’s fine. Keep missing him. Keep searching whether he will be in the office or not. I can’t keep doing it. It’s already almost 2 years. I’m supposed to forget him, but unintentionally, I’m more in love with him. The worst thing is, I don’t care if he don’t like me. I don’t expect him to like me. I just him to be happy as that will make me so happy. But that also don’t do any good to other that care for me; my family, my friends. I don’t care if I don’t have anyone else, as long as I love him, but others don’t. It’s hard for me..it’s hard. But I think I need to do this. Maybe this is the right thing to do. He also be much happier if I’m gone, as I’m not really important in his life.

careless whisper

Yesterday there was a scene that I can’t forget..always bugging in my mind. It’s just a moment. But it will make me smile each time I remembered it. A friend of mine blurted when he always saw my neighbor and I quarrel, miscommunication and etc..blurted that we both will be fated together. But I answered, it can’t be happening and smile. Funny how I can pretend that I don’t hoping that to happen. In front of him, it appears I tend to say otherwise, different from what inside my heart. Truthfully I love and always miss him. Whenever I miss him, how much I want to hear his voice, but I can’t call him. Coz I wonder if he will pick my call. If he do, what should I say, coz he will run away again if I say I miss him so much..truth not always nice. But I only can keep it inside because I’m afraid. If I be too honest with my feelings to him, things that happen before, will happen again and I can’t get through it again. It’s too painful seeing him like that..hurting him makes me hurt either.

Only here I can say, I do love you. But the truth always cruel. Your actions makes me assume that we never be together. Thus, I just keep this feeling and always stay by your side. It hurts when jealousy srikes..when you with other women, but I know I don’t have rights to you. I can’t force you to love me, but I can’t force myself for not loving you. Not for now. Seems like I’m in a love mess…and it already almost 2 years..yet I still miss him.


'time can never mend,
the careless whispers of u,
to the heart and mind,
ignorance is kind,
there's no comfort in the truth,
pain is all i'll find,
i'm never gonna dance again,
guilty feet have got no rhythm,
though it's easy 2 pretend,
but I still hear your careless whisper,
how much I need and miss u..'

Like only a woman can

I really into this song.the lyric is so meaningful and touch my heart.i even cried the first time i heard it.i wish i can be that woman.hope that i can be a woman that really be appreciated by a man that truly loves me.i wonder where that man.. :). i love listening t music. i really do.it helps me to understand some feelings that i never been before plus for joy..hahahaa..

here it is..the words that captures me:

I wasn’t perfect
I’ve done a lot of stupid things
Still no angel
I wasn’t looking for forgiveness
Wasn’t laid out by my pride
Shocked by her attention
And someone signed me up for love
I didn’t want it
And now I can’t live without it

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

She’s kind of perfect
She’s kind of everything I’m not
Yeah, she’s an angel
And it’s amazing how she’s patient
Even more at times I’m not
She’s my conscience
And who decided I’d be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can’t live without her

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

Like only a woman can
And who decided I’d be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can’t live without her

Oh, and she changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can
Like only a woman
Like only a woman can


to a person that i love right now, i do hope i can be his woman...where i promise i will do my best, to be a good lover, loyal and be there whenever he needs me. but the truth always cruel. i dunno if he really need me :).