Angels and Demon

When the first victim in the movie appeared, I knew it will be different than what I’ve read. The main plot still remain, but certain story that support it, been changed. Normal I guess because, based on LOTR and Harry Potter, those movies based on the novels also changed. Perhaps for many reasons, yet of course the main reason is to maximize the profit from the movie by making the movie more interesting and less heavy.

Moreover the other reason is the approach is different. For novel writers, an excellent plot is crucial for the success of a novel, while combination of good sound effect, famous actors and actress although with the simple plot, the movie can still sell and survive. I think that’s the beauty of making a movie, either you survive, or you can say bye bye to luxury. It’s risky to produce a movie, but once it successful, you are soo damn rich :).

Sometimes, I wish I have my own production. But I have to accept the reality. There are big difference between dream and reality. And the possibilities to be it true, infinity :(..Yet, that doesn’t stop me to enjoy watching movies, I always love it :).

true love..

Love prevents u from realizing ‘love is too much of a burden’

Before it turns to hatred

Ain’t it the same for everything

You always put a lid on nasty events, turning to a false reality

In this era of twisted dilemmas

Even we two who exchanged a promise

Cross each other without realizing

Breaking each other, we’ve abandoned the idea of understanding one another

Is this the end that awaits us?

Even as I rise, unable to acknowledge this

I won’t run away from the image of my fall

Ah..no matter how many times

I’ll look out for these eyes of yours

And the warmth of your hands

You whispered ‘love always hurt me’

You must’ve been crying, scared of believing weren’t you

Know your weakness and grow strong

By believing and not being afraid

And you will know the true love

heart in war

Despair is a sweet trap, a closed door,

Since the heart is a battlefield, it spares no one,

With their clockwork hearts being manipulated by fate,

The tin soldier begin the slaughter,

The rocking cradle that never witnessed love,

Burns out in the sleeping forest,

Even if the joy of coexisting disappears..far away,

Believe in tenderness..forgive everything,

In order to love, we must able to share with and understand each other..

s0 tireD...0f alL thiS

My life right now is quite complex. Sometimes I don’t know what I should do anymore. I feel so tired and sad inside. Never thought my life could be this complicated. Am I making the wrong decision again? Why people usually misunderstood me? It’s so sad..honestly too sad and painful especially the person u love and care the most…misunderstood you. Not trusting you. Is there anything left if there is no trust build? How can I betray the person I care the most? Where did he get the idea of betrayal anyway? What makes he thinks like that? Is it hard for him to talk about it? Is it painful for him to discuss about it? I feel it’s not fair for me for not knowing what or which betrayal that he really means? It’s also sad and disappointing because he stills not know the real me even though we already be friends for a year. Every word he accused me just now, it’s so painful like a knife stabbing in my heart. Each words like a pouring acid in my heart and it keeps taunting me, keeps on repeating in my mind.

Maybe perhaps I also wrong here. Yes, I’m totally honest and easily trust people and now, there are people who stab me on my back. Giving stories which I don’t know how it’s been told to him, whether been adding spices or not. I really don’t know. But the fact is, it’s not my intentions to bad mouth about him. It’s more I ask for opinion why he acting like that because this is the first time I really love and care a person. I’m not an expert in flirting, in this romance relationship. Due to that, I ask opinions from so called friends and I appreciate every opinion. But not all of my friends know about it. If he has problems, I don’t know what to do. Confuse, worried, suffocated; in short I don’t know what to do. So, I ask opinion. But each time I talk about him, it’s more how to strengthen our friendship, coz of care and worries and because I want to help him. In between that, I always say his goodness despite my friend said he doesn’t appreciate every care I’ve made. It’s true sometimes I feel I just a bystander, invisible to him. It’s sad..so sad. If I really mean to bad mouth or betrayed him, why do I still love and care for him..why? How can’t he see me or even think that? It’s so sad…so sad..my tears can’t stop running. It’s unspeakable sad.

Sometimes I think why I even bother to think about it? Why am I so stupid that he deserve such a special place in my heart? He told me to leave him alone. How can I leave him alone and make him invisible? If I know how, I already have done that in the first place. It’s easy to hate someone, but to love someone dearly, it’s hard. I have tried to hate him, blaming him for everything because it will make me easier to forget him. But it’s only working for a while. Because I can’t hate him, I just can’t. I just too care for him to hate him. How can you hate someone you care? I easily forgive him for everything. It’s so sad..so sad.

And because I love him, I force myself to face the truth. Unspeakable painful truth. I never have him more than a friend and day by day I try to live with the fact. I decided to be his good friend. A friend that will always stay by his side no matter what happen. Although I know he doesn’t trust me, but I trust him and for me it’s enough. Although he acting the opposite way. Am I wrong? Why I feel that only I want to preserve this friendship? I feel so tired. It’s been a year and yet he doesn’t know me. It’s so sad and my tears don’t stop running. Love is complex. It’s been countless times I’ve crying. Why can’t my heart give up? Why I love him so much? Why is this happen to me? Am I not strong enough?

if life is a canvas...

If life is a canvas and I’m the artist,

I would paint it with bold & harmony colors,

Even though it tainted by dirt,

Spilled by a glass of water,

I would paint more with vibrant colors,

I will never give up,

To live a life that I’ll never regret,

I will never give up,

To see the smiles of those I love,

I will never give up,

To see the beauty of life,

And the goodness of human kind.

My art might be nothing to anyone,

Yet it is the most magnificent artwork I’ve ever done.

nashrah

Kak Tini's Wedding...

Congratulations to Kak Tini and her husband for their wedding ceremony last weekend. You look so sweet in that yellowish wedding piece..hehehe..

Nowadays there are a lot of my friends, office mates and my relatives engaged and get married. It seems like a trend..a popular one..hehehe.. Last week also Maya Karin's wedding with her husband, Muhammad Ali. She look stunning in that white wedding gown. I really love her gown. i wish i can wear that kind of gown in my wedding day, even though just in the studio..hahaha..




Talking about weddings and wedding gowns, i think i prefer white color. To me, white seems so pure which symbolize the love that unite two souls in one. Added with white roses or white lily where each means something to me. i don't really much care of big wedding ceremony because i don't want to burden him and my parents. Yet i do want my wedding to be the sweetest memory of all memories that i have, which i will always cherish in my heart. When i saw the couples get married, two main feelings usually appeared within my heart, happy [for their marriage] and a bit of envy [because they already found their true love as i still gapping my hands to the sky..searching something that never has the ending]. But that doesn't mean i hate them or any. Still in the positive aura..hehehe.. Well, as they always said, just let time and fate be the judge. My life is still long and there are many things that i haven't encountered and explored.

Thus, i just wait for my prince charming to save me riding his beautiful white horse and said 'I already fall in love with you..would you be the queen of my heart..?' [hahaha..this is what happen if i tgh berangan..too much of shakespeare and fairy tales ;D ] As i thought, i have a very high imagination...without borders indeed..(^_^)v. But it would be great if that thing will suddenly happen to us..it's just no horses involve coz nowadays, cars are popular..hahaha..Yet, it's still romantic (^_^)..

Alright..enough of wusshy musshy shakespeare thingy. Back to the fact..ahaha..i still single and been rejected..ouch..(~_^), yet who says i will give up..NEVER!..hahaha..there will be someone for me in the end of the road..yurp..(^_^)v.

Ohh..btw, below are more pictures taken during Kak Tini's wedding..enjoy!

nisfu syaaban..

hari nie adalah malam nisfu syaaban..malam di mana Allah akan membuka 300 pintu rahmat untuk umat Islam memohon kerahmatan daripadaNya.

thus,

I pray for His forgiveness,
Gives me strength to strengthen my broken heart,
Gives me light to lighten my path,
Gives me wisdom to rationalize my actions,
Showered happiness to all my loved ones,
To be a better muslimah..

I will be stronger in future..insyaallah..